Cs:go is the only thing that makes me happy and also feel better bout myself despite the things that happened in my life

i do admit i am still young altho despite me being young what also sucks is that i experienced bullying way back in elementary specially in the lowest grades like first grade elementary and even high school i am at third year rn and it’s just hard for me to get support from anyone and that i don’t also feel great nor even comfortable opening up to a friend unless they sorta have the same hobby or likes as mine, I just wanna thank all the players random players i have queued up with or against with they made me feel emotionally better and stable rn i am having some suicidal thoughts they’re not very hard and just a bit mild i guess but me being lonely definitely makes it even stronger, Loneliness affected me in my life and my time when i want to play counter strike I never really did have any sport that i am good at nor i enjoyed except counter strike but ofc my country unfortunately doesn’t recognize it as a sport altho there are some events here and there but like the parents dont like every parent do when i discovered global offensive and the gameplay and everything it got me hooked and i immediately started watching pro players and i liked kennyS a lot because he makes the worst situations the best ones i can sorta relate to him when he said that he’s a emotional player that if he had a negative emotion he’d probably not play his best or something like that it definitely does affect me ingame and also real life, i talked it already with my parents but as the old Filipino Tradition says “Arte lng yan” In English you’re just being a cry baby get yourself up even though they realize that my social life gets worst and worst cs was the only thing that makes me feel better about myself even though it was just a game that like every single else specially in our country you’d be homeless if you go through that track or road but i just can’t lie to myself that i like the game i have been playing for almost 2 years now almost 1000 hours as well ill say its just a decent amount of time, i am posting this because my emotions are getting sadder and sadder and that i can’t even sleep easily because of it and that i also don’t have the fortune to actually ask for a profesional advice since its professional you need money for it ill definitely try to do my best not to have the hurt myself thoughts but idunno if i can be able to actually not feel so bad about myself or just overall lonely because of the fact that nobody really do talk to me irl or online even if the times are like these where students are taking online classes it just proves that nobody really cares about you oh and yeah i don’t get along well with my family as well and that it even got worst when i get really lonely i sadly watch porn just to cope with it but also that’s not a good habbit and that i am still trying to quit it for almost a year now i relapsed today as well but yeah for whoever reads this thanks i guess and if you wanna know how old i am 14 rn i don’t really care mentioning my age.

submitted by /u/A_spect_csgo
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